Step 1: Gather all the necessary materials as pictured below. In addition to a motorcycle, you will need a standard issue Bumper Boat, two box fans, a poster of Elvis, a cow skull, some Aqua Net hairspray and a red beer cooler.

Step 2: Look at your motorcycle, and then go to your grandmother's house and beg her to kick you in the back of the neck for being such a wuss. Seriously, if you tried to turn your motorcycle into a hovercraft, and took it in the water, chances are that all the alligators in the water would climb on top of it and poop all over. You'd just have to sit there and watch the alligators poop on your "Lame-mobile," because you are not Uncle Jesse. If alligators saw Uncle Jesse's motorcycle/hovercraft, they'd probably crap their pants, but with your motorcycle/hovercraft they'd crap and then wipe it on you and your family.

Step 3: Let's just say, for argument's sake, that you somehow managed to cheat the system and get a motorcycle that isn't lame. The next step is fastening the motorcycle to the Bumper Boat, as pictured below. Most people suggest using bolts, or screws or something...but most people aren't Uncle Jesse. Uncle Jesse uses Aqua Net to make sure the motorcycle is locked in place. With Aqua Net, that sucker ain't going nowhere.

Step 4: Again, using the Aqua Net as your adhesive, fasten the two box fans to the back of the Bumper Boat. Make sure not to get the plugs in the water.

Step 5: Attach the beer cooler and the cow skull wherever you see fit. No matter where you put them though, it will be lame.

Step 6: Finally, hang the Elvis poster from the rear of the boat like a flag. If you wish, you can name your boat. You should probably call it something like the "S.S. POOPYSKID," or" Boy, I'm not as sweet as Uncle Jesse, and no matter how much I whine about it...I'll always be lame!" Those might be two excellent names for your boat.

 CONGRATULATIONS! You have turned your motorcycle into a hovercraft! Go ahead, take it in the water and try it out. Before you do, though, you may want to consider the importance of your life as it compares to Uncle Jesse's. Chances are, you really aren't that important and if you were to take your motorcycle/hovercraft into the water and it sank, and you were lost at sea or something...no one would care. Everyone would be too busy looking at pictures of Uncle Jesse and being like "WOW! Who cares about that douche who got lost at sea because his motorcycle/hovercraft was way lame?" So, if you feel the need...go ahead and take it out for a test run. Even if you make it back alive, you still won't be sweet.

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