Step 1: Gather all the fruit you wish to put in the salad. Some of the more popular fruits are pictured below.

Step 2: Get a big honking bowl. Uncle Jesse likes sea-foam green bowls, but you aren't allowed to use one.

Step 3: Make sure to tenderize the fruits by smacking them around. You can also tie the fruits up to the back of your hog and drive around with them dragging behind. Make sure to go over a lot of sharp rocks and speed bumps.

Step 4: Put all the fruits together in the big honkin' bowl, and serve with crackers. If the fruits give you sass, say "Have Mercy" to remind the fruits who is in charge.

CONGRATULATIONS! You have made a Fruit Salad! Now you can go eat it, because you like to eat things like fruit salad. Do you honestly think that Uncle Jesse eats something called a "fruit salad?" Hell no he doesn't. He's busy combing his hair, and rockin' out. Go eat your lame fruit salad.

Click Here to return to the "How To" section