We would like to start off by thanking each and every person who sent in an essay to the First Annual "WWUJD Essay Contest." After receiving over 47 billion entries, our panel of judges were able to choose three of the best to represent the first and second place runners up and the grand prize winner. Before we get to the winners, allow us to introduce our panel of WWUJD essay contest judges...
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Petey Pablo One of the most accomplished and eloquent lyrical poets of our time. Mr. Pablo judges the essays on grammar and technical merit. |
Charlie Sheen His numerous essays about the Nintendo Power Glove and its place in society have won him critical acclaim throughout the world. Mr. Sheen focused on content and use of language in his judging of the essays. |
Alanis Morissette Alanis Morissette mostly just chewed on her fingers. She didn't really read any of the essays. We actually had to call Uncle Jesse to come kick her around after she started running around the office naked (she had poopyskids galore).
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The judges locked themselves in a wigwam for four whole days, deliberating and delineating (and in Alanis Morissette's case, chewing on her fingers) and came up with the winners. They are listed below...
Second Runner Up
(with a total of 465 points--including a 10 second handicap on the Eliminator)
Michael Carrington
Click Here to read his essay..."Full House, Full Throttle"
First Runner Up
(with a total of 505 points--including 3 penalties (2 minutes for slashing, 2 minutes for hooking, and 2 minutes for high-sticking)
R. Yates
Click Here to read his essay..."My Dark Confused Life"
And the Grand Prize Winner of the First Annual "WWUJD Essay Contest"
(with a total of 669 points--including a 50 point penalty for having too many men on the field)
Van Dexter
Click Here to read his essay..."Everyone who is not Uncle Jesse sleeps Butt-to-Face"
Click the good looking Greek to go back home
