We here at WWUJD.com know that there wouldn't be a WWUJD.com without you, the loyal Jess-Heads of America (and the rest of the hemisphere). That's why we're dedicated to showing our appreciation to you all by sponsoring official WWUJD.com contests.

   Here, and only here, you will be able to win UJ prizes, and opportunities to participate in exclusive WWUJD.com events. Check back often for updates, and see what's new on the WWUJD.com "Contests" page.

   Now, without further ado, we here at WWUJD.com are proud to announce our very first Contest...

That's right, Jess-Heads, Uncle Jesse is hiring an intern! Remember that show "The Apprentice?" Remember how lame it was? Well, replace Donald Trump with Uncle Jesse, replace all those whiny douchebag contestants with loyal Jess-Heads, then replace the word "lame" with "totally sweet." This contest is open to all college-aged kids, and the winner must be able to receive credit for his/her participation. The winner must also have at least three working feet.

Uncle Jesse will be hiring one intern based on his or her abilities to:

1) Not be lame

2) Identify split ends

3) Tell Becky to make beef jerky

4) Pee on the toilet seat when she doesn't do it

5) Blame it on Nicky and Alex

6) Produce basic HTML webpages and use Microsoft Paint

7) Read

8) Ride a Harley

9) Iron white, V-neck T-shirts

10) Polish shiny, silver cross and peace sign necklaces

Think you've got what it takes? You're probably wrong. But, if you've still got the plums to try out, UJ will take a look at your stuff. Actually, no he won't. He'll probably watch Happy Days, then use it to write notes to The Fonz, telling him how bad the Baltimore Ravens suck. If you wish to apply for the "First Annual Uncle Jesse Internship Competition," please e-mail the following:

1) A resume

2) An attached file containing a picture of you and Uncle Jesse doing something sweet (please note that the only sweet part of the picture will be what Uncle Jesse is doing, not you)

3) A 250-word essay detailing what you feel you can contribute to Uncle Jesse's daily routine.

4) A letter of recommendation from a school counselor, or dinosaur.

Submissions will be collected and reviewed until March 1, 2006. A winner will be announced exactly one month after, with five finalists being posted on the website beforehand for viewers to see.  Don't hesitate, this internship is way cooler than a job at Sears.

Send all your submission materials to: interns@wwujd.com. Be sure to include the words "INTERN" and "I LOVE SIPPY CUPS" in the subject line.